okay...that last post was slightly out of character of me, so I feel the need to clarify.

Stuff happens...its just a fact of life. I found out some things recently that didn't make me happy, so I got discouraged. The thing is, it seemed like a big deal at the time. Now it is not. it doesn't matter...things always have a way of working themselves out.

shaken confidence...

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."-Ralph Waldo Emerson.

This is a quote I used to live by but now I'm not so sure of it. I am a dreamer and I follow most of my dreams, but lately life has been a little different. Life. It just rolls by, and as it does, I live it. I was starting to "figure things out." I was confident and comfortable with what i was doing and where I was going to go. I had lived out dreams and had many more that were still just dreams. and then...BAM...I hit a road block. it wasn't too major, but it definatly didn't make me happy. But I got over it, or at least I thought I did. Until the very next day when BAM! I hit another one. this one was a little tougher to process and I still haven'd gotten over it. Two days later, which happened to be yesterday, it happened again. BAM...but this time it wasn't a road block, it was a crushed dream. Literally, my dream ended. I don't know what to think, and to be honest, I don't want to think about it at all, but it consumes my thoughts.

The problem with this crushed dream is that it has shaken me up. I know have very little sense of where I was going on the road I was headed down. This dream wasn't just a dream...I was trying to make it a reality. It was plan A and there was no plan B. this was going to be it.

As I sit and write this post, I can't help but get so angry. I don't know what to do now... I don't have any ideas at all. This was the only option and this was the right option. I am so sure. This was the life I had imagined.

Maybe this was what the people around the gulf coast felt like. They had dreams that were crushed in a matter of minutes. It's different, but it is so much the same. It is a crushed dream.

woohoo...

College retreat this weekend!!! I am way excited! I get to play octaball and PAINTBALL! but first...

1) I get to make my New Orleans video tonight :)
2) I have to be trained and take a test to be certified by the Michigan department of Agriculture in the application of pesticides. whatev.

and then ...COLLIDE!!!!!! I like retreats

new orleans

Pure destruction left from Hurricane Katrina

I know people are waiting for this post, but I don't think I am ready to write it. But as we said in New Orleans, I will "boy it up" and try. to get things started, I am changed forever. I thought our group did a really good job preparing for what we would encounter when we got there, but we soon found out that nothing could prepare us enough. The hurt and devistation are still so greater than most people know.

Tearing down walls

Our first work order was to work gutting a boxing gym/community center. This is sort of a long term project that every team works on for at least one day. when we arrived on the site, the coors of the center had been spray painted and said "We will box again." that was encouraging because it showed a little bit of the hope that the city still had. The gym was on a street called "community," but the entire street was vacent. Just driving to and from our work site every day, I felt physically sick. It was so much to process and I couldn't get over how bad things still were after a year and a half. The problem is that people think New Orleans is being rebuilt faster than it actually is, so they stop coming to help. This thinking is not true. Now, more than ever, does New Orleans need volunteers to gut and rebuild houses, and just to be there and show support for it's people.

Hope after Hurt

Our second work order for the week was to gut an entire duplex that hadn't been touched since the hurricane. The lady that lived in this house hadn't been back yet because it was just too much for her. I called her the day before we started her house and she met us there for the first time. She originally told me (I was the team leader) to save whatever was salvagable and that she would take it, but se ended up leaving empty handed because the memories were too much. She was an amazing person to talk to and it helped me so much from an emotional standpoint just to put a face on new orleans.

Sharon, the home owner

Gutting literally means that we take everythin out of the house and strip it down to the studs. This was so hard for us because we had to pull out matresses, kids school books, clothes and even dishes that had made it through the storm. It was then that we realized that this wasn't just an abandoned house, but a home that people lived in...a home that was full of memories, both good and bad. After pulling out everything that we could, we entered the house armes with hammers, crow bars and sledge hammers to knock out the walls. This was the most satisfying work because we were able to literally take out all of our anger and frusteration on Katrina.

Our team after gutting the entire house...out gut pile was about 12 feet tall

Our third and final project was to help a man move into a FEMA trailor. This was more of the compassion side of what the organization we worked with did. This man, Michele, had survives the hurricanes on his house roof for 5 days before he was rescued. He then moved in with a friend when that house was destroyed by the recent tornados. With a broken arm from the tornados, he had been living in a hotel room that had been donated, without any food or anything, for the past three days. We moved him into a FEMA trailor park, gave him the little bit of food and drinls that we ha left from the day, and then he asked if we could pray with him. He told us that before this day, he was ready to give up. After meeting us and praying with us, he had hope. We gave him hope.

Michele after we helped him move into a FEMA trailor

I'm sorry this is so long...and I still haven't touched on so many other things that are so important. All of you still faithfullreaders can expect the next couple of posts to be about New Orleans. I absolutly fell in love with that city. There is no way that this trip satisfied my longing to continuously make a difference...I will be going back at every chance I get. Hopefully, the next chance will not be far away.

Our bunkhouse...we stayed with about 75 other girls each night